Bully Proof Your Child Podcast: Understanding Physical & Psychological Bullying

In this episode of Bully Proof Your Child podcast, we’re sharing chapter two from Why Is Everybody Always Picking on Me? by Dr. Terrence Webster-Doyle. This chapter walks through real experiences with bullying and highlights something that isn’t always talked about enough: the difference between physical and psychological bullying.

While physical bullying is easier to recognize, this chapter shows how psychological bullying can be just as impactful, and sometimes even more lasting. The pressure, expectations, and subtle ways people can make you feel less than can stay with you long after the incident.

As you read through, take some time to reflect on how both forms of bullying show up and how they can shape the way you see yourself and interact with others.

Looking for practical advice to help your child deal with bullying? Enroll in our online course and get weekly lessons packed with actionable tips to handle the situation with confidence.

Podcast Transcript

This is chapter two in Why Is Everybody Always Picking on Me? A Guide to Handling Bullies by Dr. Terrence Wiltshire Doyle.

Growing Up with Bullying and Its Lasting Effects

When I was a kid growing up just outside of New York City, I was bullied a lot. I’m now 50 years old, and I still remember how it felt. I sometimes feel the hurt, anger, and fear from those incidents that happened many years ago.

Almost 40 years later, some of the effects of bullying are still with me.

The Day of the Bee Sting: A Turning Point

I’m now going to read a story called The Day of the Bee Sting. I remember two bullies in particular, Dickie M. and Renny B. I won’t mention their last names in case they’re still around.

Maybe I’m still nervous that they’ll get me now.

It seemed that almost every day, one of these two tough boys bullied me. They would make me do things I didn’t want to do.

They made fun of me and, at times, beat me up just for the fun of it. I was a big kid who hated to fight, and Dickie knew it. He would get me on the ground with his knees on my arms, pinning me down.

I always felt frustrated and angry and wanted to cry, but I didn’t want him to see any of this. I just let him beat me up without doing anything back. No adults ever stopped those beatings, although I wish they had.

One day, Dickie had pinned me down and was beating me up in the neighbor’s yard. Without warning, I was stung by a bee in the back. This sudden shock made me jump up fast.

Since I was bigger than Dickie, my leaping up threw him across the yard. I was stunned to see him lying there, shaken up. He looked at me, and I looked at him, and we both saw the truth in that moment.

I was as strong as the other two. From that day on, he never beat me up again, although he did bully me verbally, calling me names and ridiculing me.

Physical Bullying and Serious Consequences

His older brother hurt me badly twice, once knocking out my front tooth and once running into me with his bike on purpose, which threw me into the air, causing me to hit my head on a curb.

I had to go to the hospital on both occasions, first to have my tooth and split lip attended to and second, more seriously, to have my head, near my left temple, sewn up. This hit to the head almost took my life. The doctor said that if the hit had been a little more in the temple area, I would probably be dead.

I still feel the effects of that injury.

A New Environment, A Different Kind of Bullying

I left that tough town in the 8th grade to go to high school in another nearby town. This new town was very wealthy.

I was no longer threatened by physical attacks from Vinny or Dickie, but I felt threatened in a different way.

In this new town, we were encouraged to aggressively pursue money and power. For the many years I lived there, I was bullied into believing there was something wrong with me for not being money-oriented and power-hungry, attributes that many in the town thought of as admirable.

Understanding Psychological Bullying

I couldn’t compete with these bullies, so I failed, and I felt inadequate for years. It took me a long time to realize that this was bullying of another kind. While Dickie’s bullying was physical, the bullying I experienced in this new town was mental, or psychological.

It wasn’t until much later that I realized that mental bullying can be far more dangerous than physical bullying. Strangely enough, it has had a deeper effect on me than getting beaten up.

As I grew up, I met many types of bullies of all ages, both men and women.

Bullying Beyond School: The Adult World

Almost everywhere, people seemed to be out for themselves: me first, go for it, get what you can. I began to see that bullying didn’t stop in high school or college. It was just as apparent in the business world, with people competing with each other and bullying to get their way.

Many of these bullies acted like polite gentlemen and women. Many had been educated at some of the best colleges, and they spoke and dressed nicely. How, I wondered, could I feel intimidated by such people?

Recognizing Hidden Forms of Bullying

Little by little, I began to see through their fancy outfits, their status seeking, and their ability to say the right thing at the right time.

“They’re plain old bullies”, I said to myself. They’re pushing people around just the way Vinnie and Dickie did, but they’re using their voices, their clothes, and their positions instead of their fists.

These bullies get what they want by using their minds as a weapon to make others afraid of them, instead of using their fists.

Using Your Mind Instead of Your Fists

The best way to deal with these bullies, or any bully, is to know that you can also use your mind instead of your fists, but in a positive way.

If you are a bully and don’t want to be one, or you have been bullied and don’t want to be bullied ever again, you’re reading the right book.

Realizing Our Own Bullying Behavior

I noticed, growing up with bullies all around me, that I had turned into a bully myself.

I had learned to believe that I needed to be aggressive if I were going to survive in this world. Even today, I sometimes find myself unfairly bullying my wife and daughters, asserting my power over them with words or gestures. And at times, I do the same to myself.

How Bullying Is Learned

At one time or another, we all do it.

Teachers occasionally use their authority to bully. Parents will sometimes aggressively pursue their own needs or the needs of the family. Political and military bullies get power-hungry and want to dominate the world. You can be sure any war we’ve gotten into was started by bullying.

Breaking the Cycle of Bullying

Kids are not born bullies.

We learn how to be bullies from adults.

Then we grow up to become adult bullies.

That’s the end of chapter two in Why Is Everybody Always Picking On Me? The Guide to Handling Bullies. If you would like to download this book, you can do it here.