Bully Proof Your Child Podcast: Recognizing Bullying Behavior & Building Awareness Before Prevention

Stories have a way of showing us things we might otherwise miss. When it comes to bullying, it’s easy to focus on what’s happening on the surface, but there’s often much more going on underneath.

In this storytime episode of Bully Proof Your Child, we read chapter one from Why Is Everybody Always Picking on Me? by Dr. Terrence Webster-Doyle. It walks through a day in the life of a child who bullies others, but instead of stopping there, it gives you a closer look at what’s happening behind that behavior. You start to see the environment, the relationships, and the experiences shaping how that child shows up in the world.

As you read through the story, take some time to reflect on what’s going on beneath the behavior. It’s an opportunity to look beyond quick labels and start asking deeper questions about why kids act the way they do.

Podcast Transcript

Storytime Episode: Understanding Bullying Through Story

Good morning, it’s Sam. I’m here solo today for a storytime episode, where I’ll be reading from one of our books. Today’s story comes from Why Is Everybody Always Picking on Me? by Dr. Terrence Webster-Doyle, a guide that helps kids understand and handle bullying.

I’ll be reading chapter one today, and in future episodes, you can come back for the rest. If you’d like to download the book, I’ve included a link in the show notes, and you can also find it on our website.

Who This Book Is For

This book is dedicated to young people who have been bullied and want to understand what’s happening and learn how to handle it in a creative way. This book is also dedicated to you young people who bully others. I know you can benefit from healthy, peaceful ways to get what you need.

Exploring Feelings Behind Bullying

Have you ever felt anxious, worthless, out of control, ridiculed, or hurt? Insecure, enraged, rejected, or ambitious? Pressure to conform, or scared, helpless, or powerless? Unfairly punished, harassed, vengeful, or angry? Frustrated, lonely, unloved, violent, or greedy? Pressure to compete, or afraid of not making it? Afraid of not living up to the expectations of others?

In other words, have you ever felt that everybody is picking on you?

Boys Will Be Boys: A Story About Bullying

A Day in the Life of a Bully

Whack! You feel a sharp pain in your back. You spin around in anger to see the boy who threw the ball and hit you.

“Hey, you, Jack! I’ll get you for that!” you yell at him, clenching your fists as you walk in his direction. Your palms
sweat and your eyes harden as you approach this smaller and younger boy. “I could put your lights out for hitting me!” you say to him as you grab his shirt.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to hit you. It was an accident,” the smaller boy says fearfully. He is so afraid of you, his body is shaking. You feel a surge of power from his fear. You know you are in control.

Other kids on the playground gather about you as you continue to harass this younger boy.

“Oh, sure. It was no mistake, punk. You’re asking for a bruising!”

You feel the eyes of your classmates on you. You feel that they admire your strength, and fear it at the same time. Most of the kids keep away from you. The few buddies you have hang out with you because they also think bullying other kids is having a good time.

Bullying at School and Authority Figures

“Stop that, this minute!” you hear Mrs. Potter, the playground supervisor, command from across the yard. She is
coming toward you at full steam, her finger wagging “Bad boy!” and her tone threatening the vice principal’s office again.

“What a dope she is,” you think to yourself. “She can’t scare me. All the vice principal can do is send me home. Then what? No one’s there and they don’t care anyhow.”

“Let go of Mark right now, or I’ll send you to Mr. Nathan. You are a bully. Don’t you think that you can get away with this behavior. I won’t tolerate it. Why can’t you be good, like Mark? He wouldn’t start a fight; he has fine manners. You’re a troublemaker, and you always will be as far as I’m concerned,” she lectures. Mrs. Potter puts her hand on your arm and you push it off.

You let go of Mark to face Mrs. Potter. “You’re not one of my parents. You can’t tell me what to do,” you yell back at her defiantly, your hands on your hips, your feet apart.

“Come with me. We are going to the vice principal’s office right now,” she insists.

“No way. I’m out of here!” You run across the yard and to the field beyond the school, yelling names back at the
playground supervisor and the group of kids that are standing around. “Jerks, punks! I’ll get you yet! All of you! You wait and see!”

Bullying at Home and Family Dynamics

After school you meet your two buddies, Mac and Tom. You hang out behind the stores downtown in the empty lot where you throw rocks at bottles and smoke cigarettes that you stole from your parents. It’s getting dark and your buddies and you start to go home.

As you arrive at your house, your mother pulls up in her new, expensive foreign car. Your dad is still at work, as usual. Both of them work six days a week, usually into the late evening hours. Walking into the house, you see your big sister crashed out on the sofa, eating pizza and watching TV.

“Hey, weirdo. How goes it?” she sneers. “Failing all your subjects as usual?” You don’t respond. “Got into a fight today, I heard.”

“Aw shut up,” you snap back at her, heading into the kitchen to see what you can find to eat.

”You’re going to end up a bum or a convict, if you don’t watch out, you know,” your sister yells with a mouth full of doughy pizza. ”You’re just too dumb to learn. You’re going to flunk everything if you don’t straighten out, ya’ hear me?”

You get some leftover pizza, a coke and some chocolate doughnuts and go into the living room to watch TV. Your mother has gone into her office upstairs to make some phone calls.

“Change the channel,” you command your bigger sister with a look of anger. “I want to watch ‘Rambo IV’ and it’s on now.”

”You always watch that macho junk,” your sister says, not looking at you, and not changing the channel. ”You should watch something more intelligent instead of all that war stuff. It’ll pollute your brain.” She looks at you. “Maybe it’s too late. Your brain has turned to mush already. Why can’t you be more like Jason? He gets good grades and everyone likes him. He’s a better brother than you,” she says, smugly. “Did you hear he’s getting a football scholarship to State?”

“Jason’s a fake. He wants to be just like Dad, a big success. But he’s just a phony. You think I’m a bully? So is he.
But he’s sly like a fox. He sweet-talks all his teachers. They’d do anything for him. He’s just like the rest of those phony jocks he hangs out with. They’re all alike. They play the same game, and I’m not talking about football. They get into college and get all the big-time lawyer, banker, stock market jobs. They’re all phonies. But try to get in their way and they’ll knock you over. Rambo’s nothing but mush compared to those guys. Talk about aggressive! But everyone loves them for it, because they’re playing the success game.”

(Secretly, you are jealous of your brother, because your Mom and Dad always seem to favor him. When you and Jason were younger, he used to beat you up a lot. He really hurt you. When you told Mom and Dad, Jason would lie and say that you started it. You always got the blame and Jason usually got off
with a slight reprimand. “Boys will be boys,” your father used to say, patting Jason on the back while giving you a disapproving look. The memory fuels your anger and you’re boiling inside.)

“Change the channel before I give you one,” you threaten your sister. She knows you mean business.

“I might as well. You probably can’t understand this program anyhow. Your level of mentality is just above a caveman’s. You can’t even talk intelligently. No wonder you don’t have any friends – only those jerks, Mac and Tom. You’ll all land up in jail together someday.”

Your sister gets up to leave. You notice how overweight she is. She never gets any exercise. She eats way too much junk food and reads trashy movie magazines. She looks at you with contempt. “All that those G.I. Joe characters do is grunt. No wonder you understand them,” she says coldly as she turns her back on you to leave the room.

Media, Influence, and Aggression

You make a rude face and turn your attention to the movie. Rambo has just been trapped in the jungle and is fighting his way past the enemy patrol. He is big and harsh looking, with his M-16 gun spraying bullets everywhere. With a defiant scream, he throws a grenade at the oncoming people, blowing them up.

Suddenly he is jumped from behind by one of the patrol. You watch Rambo fight in hand-to-hand combat with this violent looking creature. They roll down into the river, where they continue to punch, kick, and strike at each other. Rambo grabs the enemy by the throat and holds him underwater with a look of crazed intensity on his face. Finally Rambo pulls out his commando knife and plunges it beneath the surface into the gut of the
quivering body. The river runs blood red as Rambo, unscathed, climbs ashore to meet his next “patriotic” and violent adventure.

There is a strange attraction to these films. You feel the excitement; you feel like Rambo. You experience his every emotion; your palms sweat and your fists go hard. You want to be like him. You have even thought of joining the Commando Forces after high school. You want to serve your country against the enemy.

When you were younger, you used to read war comics and play with war toys. G.I. Joe and other action figures were your favorites. You took a few lessons in Karate, but you didn’t like the teacher or the class because they talked about feelings. The teacher wasn’t a patriot or hero like Rambo, anxious to go to battle to defend our country’s image. This Karate teacher was soft and gentle. He told you that Karate wasn’t for promoting fighting, but rather for learning about how to defend yourself so you don’t have to fight. He talked about
being peaceful and caring, and you thought he was a wimp. You bought some Martial Arts weapons instead – nunchucks and a butterfly knife – which you carried until they were taken away by Mr. Nathan one day at school.

Suddenly your thoughts are interrupted by your father’s voice coming from the front hall. “Hello, I’m home. Hey, anyone here? Come on, let’s celebrate!” You can tell he’s been drinking again. Your stomach suddenly becomes tight and starts to ache. Your palms sweat as you clench your fists.

“Hey buddy, what’s the good word?” your father asks, entering the family room where you are watching TV.

“Nothing,” you grunt, not taking your eyes off the TV.

You can sense your father’s anger and frustration behind you. Your father and you do not get along very well. Sometimes when he drinks, he tries to hit you. When you were little, he did; but now you are too quick. One night last year, on your thirteenth birthday, you and he finally went at it. He was drunk and heard that you had been caught stealing cigarettes from a local store.

”You bum!” he shouted then. “Why can’t you be more like your brother Jason? He’d never do anything like that.” He swung at you, but you ducked and let him have it. Jason, your mother, and sister had to break it up.

You remember that time now and you think angrily, “If he only knew who taught me how to steal, he’d die.” Jason is the biggest thief. He takes his parents’ money, liquor, and cigarettes right from under their noses, and they don’t ever seem to notice.

You sink down in your chair as your father comes over to you. You are ready for whatever happens. You don’t care anymore. Sometimes he gets violent, sometimes he spoils you by giving you a bunch of money when he’s drunk. You can never tell which way he will go.

“Hey, buddy, watching old Rambo. Great, isn’t he? Kills all those people. Blows them away. They deserve it.” He looks at you. “How are you? Get into any fights lately? Hope you stand up for yourself, if you’re getting picked on. Here’s a little something to get a treat with (as he stuffs a twenty dollar bill into your shirt pocket). Sorry I’m
late again. Lots of work to do. This family is very expensive to support!”

You sink even lower in your chair, letting his words and his smelly breath go over your head. Rambo is moving across the jungle to the enemy airstrip. He is trying to get an Attack Hawk Helicopter. You’ve seen this scene before. He captures the helicopter and flies over the enemy compound shooting rockets into the enemy barracks, bodies flying in all directions, fire and smoke everywhere. You fix your eyes on that flickering screen, hands sweaty, fists clenched, waiting for the big kill.

Reflecting on the Story: Who Is the Bully?

The story you just read took you through one day in the life of a bully.

The main character, you, bullied kids at school, bullied the schoolyard supervisor, and bullied his sister at home. There’s no doubt that this person is a bully.

But did you realize that everyone in this story was some sort of bully?

What about the schoolyard supervisor? Didn’t she bully you with commands, threats, ridicule, and intimidation What about the sister? Didn’t she bully you by making fun of you, teasing you? What about the brother? Wasn’t he a bully, but one who got away with it?

And what about the father? He’s a workaholic who neglects his family, then tries to make it up with tokens and money, and sometimes gets drunk, violent, and bullies his family.

The mother, so busy in the business world that she doesn’t seem to be there at all.

Recognizing Different Types of Bullies

Bullies come in all sizes, shapes, ages, and nationalities. They can be rich or poor, educated or ignorant, male or female.

Every bully is different, but what they have in common is, one, they verbally or physically pick on others, and two, they are hurt, angry, afraid, and frustrated.

Because of these feelings and their inability to deal with them, some bullies have done a lot of harm. Being bullied can have very serious consequences.

Some victims of bullies have felt so bad they have taken their own lives, as happened in the southern United States when a 7th-grade student, tired of four years of being called chubby and a walking dictionary, brought a gun to school and fatally shot another student before killing himself.

His classmates said, “He was just someone everyone picked on.”

If you’ve ever been bullied, you know that it doesn’t feel good. It’s frightening and can be harmful, both physically and mentally. That’s why I’ve written this book. I was harmed both physically and mentally due to being bullied as a boy, and I wanted to help you live your life so this doesn’t happen to you.

If you have been bullied, this book will show you ways to never be bullied again. If you are a bully, this book will show you ways to get what you need without bullying.

In order to do something about bullying, we have to know what we are dealing with.

Let’s take a look at the kinds of bullies that exist in the world today.

Common Traits All Bullies Share

There are two main kinds of bullies. The first is the extrovert bully, or outward.

Extrovert Bullies

Extrovert bullies are outgoing, aggressive, active, and expressive. They want to be on top, in control. They’re more interested in things outside of themselves than in their own thoughts and feelings. Extrovert bullies are rebels and are usually criticized for their rebelliousness. They often end up in trouble as adults. They’re sometimes considered outlaws.

Generally rough and tough, angry, and mean on the surface, they get their way by brute force.

But inside, they may feel inferior, insecure, and unsure of themselves. They reject rules and regulations and feel the need to rebel in order to achieve a feeling of superiority and security.

Introvert Bullies

The second kind is the introvert bully, or inward. Introvert bullies don’t want to be recognized. They hide as much as possible. They never rebel. They conform to society. But they also want to be in control.

They find other ways to get control, sometimes by smooth talking, saying the right thing at the right time. Sometimes by misleading, lying, and doing whatever they think the other person wants to hear just to get their way.

They deceive people into thinking they mean well. They work on becoming a teacher’s pet. They’re often so good at bullying that we don’t even notice that they are bullying us.

Introvert bullies get their power through cunning and deception. They seem to go along with the crowd, but because they desperately want to be successful, get the highest, the best, the most, they will lie, cheat, and do anything to get what they want.

There are many types of bullies.

Recognizing Bullies

See if you can recognize any of the following. Can you tell if these are introvert bullies or extrovert bullies?

• The super jock bully. Their motto is, “I’m number one. Yeah, me.”
• The preppy bully. Their motto is, “I’m the elite of society, the upper crust.”
• The movie star bully. Their motto is, “Mirror, mirror on the wall. I’m the fairest of them all.”
• The brain bully. Their motto is, “I’m smart. Therefore, I know better than you.”
• The rocker bully. Their motto is, “Trash it, jam it, freak out, do your own thing. Who cares how it affects anyone else?”
• The hippie bully. Their motto is, “Tune in, turn on, drop out. You’re a fool to stay straight.”
• The patriotic bully. Their motto is, “Our country, right or wrong, love it or leave it.”
• The religious bully. Their motto is, “There’s only one belief worth believing, mine.”
• The financial whiz bully. Their motto is, “When I speak, Wall Street listens, so you better listen too.”
• The predator bully. Their motto is, “You are inferior because of your religion, race, nationality, color of skin, etc.”
• The whining kid bully. Their motto is, speaking to their parent, “If you don’t buy me this, I’ll…”

Can you think of other types of bullies?

There are many different kinds of bullies, but what they have in common is that they are concerned mainly with their own pleasure rather than thinking about anyone else.

They want attention, recognition, power, position, and fame, and they’re willing to use other people in order to get what they want. They want revenge for hurt feelings they have.

They do not have the ability to look at the whole picture and, therefore, are not responsible people.

The Bigger Picture: Society and Behavior

We live in a society in which many people spend their lives looking out for number one. They are self-centered, aggressive, and so focused on success that they do not consider anything or anyone else around them.

These people create conflict in their own minds and in the world.

Breaking the Cycle of Bullying

I know it’s difficult sometimes not to be a bully when there are bullies in your home, school, and neighborhood. To make matters worse, many of them bully you while telling you not to be a bully.

But you don’t have to be a bully if you decide you don’t want to be like them.

Self-Reflection: Understanding Your Own Experience

In order to stop bullying, the first thing you’ll need to do is figure out what kind of bully you are or how you have been bullied in your life.

Here are some questions to help you remember when and how you’ve been bullied or have been a bully.

• Have you ever bullied or been bullied by a younger brother or sister?
• Have you bullied or been bullied by any of your classmates?
• Have you bullied or been bullied by your parents?
• Have you been bullied by your dog or pet?
• Do you fit into any of the bully types described earlier in this book?
• Have you been bullied by any of the bully types described in this book?
• Do you think you will continue to be bullied? For how long and why?
• Do you enjoy being a bully? If so, why?
• Do you enjoy being bullied? If not, why not?

And remember, in order to learn about ourselves, we must be willing to be honest about our behavior.

Why Honesty and Self-Awareness Matter

Being honest, we see ourselves as we are. This means that we do not judge ourselves or others as good or bad. Feeling bad only creates hatred, guilt, and fear.

Comparing yourself or others to what is considered good only creates conflict between who you actually are and who you think you should be.

If we look honestly at ourselves without judgment, then there will be understanding and learning.

Continue Reading and Learning

That’s the end of chapter one in Why Is Everybody Always Picking on Me? If you are enjoying this book, you can download it from our website.