My Child Is a Bully — What Can I Do?

Finding out your child is bullying others can feel overwhelming. You might be asking yourself, Why is my child a bully? or wondering, “What should I do next?” It’s a difficult situation, but you’re not alone. Many parents face this challenge and with the right approach, you can help your child change their behavior and grow into a more compassionate person.

It’s important to remember that just because your child is displaying bullying behavior, it doesn’t mean they’re a bad kid. Kids bully for many reasons — peer pressure, frustration, insecurity — and those behaviors can be unlearned. With your guidance, your child can develop healthier ways to manage emotions, handle conflicts, and build stronger relationships.

Let’s break down what you can do if your child is bullying others.

A young boy pulling another child's arm in a library setting, depicting a tense moment.

Why Do Kids Bully?

First, it’s important to understand why kids bully in the first place. After all, kids don’t wake up one day and decide to be bullies.

Bullying behavior often comes from deeper issues. Some kids bully to feel powerful or to fit in with friends. Others might be dealing with difficult emotions like anger, sadness, or fear and don’t know how to express them in healthy ways.

Here are a few common reasons why kids might turn to bullying:

  • Lack of empathy: Some kids struggle to see how their actions hurt others.
  • Peer pressure: They might bully to impress friends or avoid becoming a target themselves.
  • Past experiences: Kids who have been bullied or exposed to violence may mimic that behavior.
  • Desire for control: Bullying can make a child feel more in control when other parts of their life feel chaotic.

Asking, “Why is my child a bully?” is a good first step in finding solutions.

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Worried You’re Parenting a Bully? Here Are 5 Signs Your Child Might Be Bullying Others

It can be tough to admit that your child is bullying, but recognizing early signs is the first step toward bully prevention. Here are some common behaviors to watch for if you’re asking “Is my child a bully?”

Lack of Empathy for Others

If your child doesn’t seem to care when someone gets hurt — whether emotionally or physically — that’s a red flag. Bullies often struggle to see how their actions impact others which can make it easier for them to keep hurting people without guilt.

An Obsession with Fitting In

Kids who bully are sometimes hyper-focused on popularity and being accepted by their peers. They may act out to climb the social ladder or to keep their spot at the top. If your child seems desperate to fit in, it could push them to make bad choices.

A History of Anger or Aggressive Behavior

Has your child had outbursts of anger or been involved in fights? Kids who’ve been exposed to violence or bullying — whether at home, at school, or online — may repeat what they’ve seen. They might think it’s normal to handle problems with aggression.

A Habit of Putting Others Down

Pay attention to how your child talks about their classmates and friends. Do they often make mean or sarcastic remarks about others? Do they tear people down to get a laugh or feel better about themselves? Constant negativity can be a sign of bullying behavior.

Ongoing Behavior Issues at School

If your child regularly gets in trouble for disrespecting teachers or classmates, it’s worth digging deeper. Repeated incidents like name-calling, teasing, or acting out in class can hint at a pattern of bullying.


Remember, recognizing these behaviors doesn’t mean your child is a bad person. It means they need guidance and support.

If you’re thinking “Why is my child a bully?” remember that bullying can be learned and unlearned. With the right steps, you can help your child make positive changes before things get worse.

Two teenage girls standing indoors near a sports net, looking away.

What To Do If Your Child Is Displaying Bullying Behavior

If you’re noticing signs that your child might be bullying others, it’s important to take action right away. Ignoring the behavior won’t make it go away.

Here’s how you can step in and help your child turn things around.

Acknowledge the Behavior

First, acknowledge that the bullying is happening. It’s never easy to hear that your child may be hurting others, but denying it won’t make things better. Kids need support and guidance to change harmful habits.

When you talk to your child, stay calm. Reacting with anger or harsh punishment might make them defensive or shut down the conversation. Instead, focus on being open and supportive. Let your child know you’re aware of what’s happening and that you’re there to help them work through it.

You can start the conversation with phrases like:

  • “I heard from your teacher that you’ve been saying mean things to your classmates. Can we talk about that?”
  • “I noticed you’ve been having some trouble with your friends lately. What’s going on?”

By starting the conversation from a place of concern rather than blame, you’re more likely to uncover the why behind the bullying. That insight will help you take meaningful steps toward positive change.

Communicate Openly

When it comes to bullying prevention, open communication is one of the most powerful tools you have. Kids don’t always know how to express their emotions in healthy ways which can lead to bullying behavior.

By asking the right questions and really listening to their answers, you can help your child understand why they acted the way they did — and how they can make better choices moving forward.

Start by asking open-ended questions to encourage your child to share their thoughts without feeling pressured or judged. Kids are more likely to open up when they know they won’t get in trouble for being honest.

Here are some good questions to get the conversation going:

  • “Why do you think you acted that way?”
  • “How do you think the other person felt?”
  • “What could you do differently next time?”

The goal isn’t to lecture or punish. Instead, you’re helping your child reflect on their actions and see things from another person’s perspective. Many kids who bully don’t fully understand the emotional impact of their words and actions. They may be acting out because they’re feeling insecure, lonely, or frustrated — emotions they don’t know how to manage.

Stay calm and patient. Avoid interrupting or jumping in with solutions too quickly. Sometimes, just letting your child talk through their feelings can be enough to help them realize what went wrong.

Through these conversations, you’re teaching empathy — a key skill in preventing bullying behavior. When your child starts to understand how their actions affect others, they’re more likely to think twice before saying or doing something hurtful in the future.

Reflect on What’s Happening at Home

When you’re trying to stop bullying behavior, it’s important to take a step back and reflect on what might be happening at home. Kids often mirror what they see in their surroundings. If there’s conflict, negativity, or a focus on competition, your child may be picking up on those behaviors — even if unintentionally.

Children learn from their parents and caregivers every day. They notice how you handle frustration, how you speak about others, and how you treat people in tough situations. It’s worth asking yourself:

  • How do we handle conflict in our home? Do disagreements turn into shouting matches? Or do we resolve problems calmly? Kids who see peaceful conflict resolution are more likely to use those skills themselves.
  • Are there harsh or critical comments being made about others? Kids are quick to pick up on judgmental language. If they hear adults making negative remarks — whether about friends, family, or strangers — they may start to believe it’s okay to put others down.
  • Do we model empathy and kindness? Kids watch how you treat others, especially during stressful moments. Are you showing compassion even when things are tough? Are you speaking with kindness and respect even when you’re frustrated?

It’s not about blaming yourself — it’s about recognizing that home plays a big role in shaping a child’s behavior. By making small changes in how you handle conflict and speak about others, you can show your child what empathy, respect, and kindness look like in action.

If you want your child to stop bullying others, they need to see those positive behaviors modeled at home. Kids who grow up seeing empathy in action are more likely to carry those values into their own interactions.

Provide Meaningful Consequences

When your child is displaying bullying behavior, it’s important to set clear and meaningful consequences. Kids need to understand that bullying isn’t just “bad behavior” — it has real-world effects on others.

However, the goal isn’t to punish harshly or make your child angry and resentful. Instead, focus on consequences that teach accountability and responsibility.

Consequences should help your child reflect on their actions and understand how they’ve impacted someone else. Here are some effective ways to do that:

Loss of Privileges

If the bullying happened online or through social media, taking away screen time for a set period is a logical consequence. Make sure your child understands why they’re losing privileges. For instance, you could say:

“Because you used your phone to send hurtful messages, we’re taking away your phone for a week. We want you to understand that social media should be used to connect with others, not harm them.”

The consequence should be tied directly to the behavior, so it makes sense to your child and reinforces accountability.

Apologize

An apology isn’t always easy, but it’s a powerful way to teach empathy. Encourage your child to apologize to the person they hurt — in person, if possible. The apology must be sincere, not forced or rushed. Talk to your child about what makes a meaningful apology: acknowledging what they did, expressing regret, and promising to do better next time.

Restorative Actions

Taking responsibility for their actions is a big part of bullying prevention. Depending on the situation, your child could write a letter of apology, replace or fix something they broke, or do a kind act to make up for their behavior.

For example, if they spread a rumor about a classmate, they could set the record straight by telling the truth. These actions help your child see that making things right takes effort — and that their behavior has consequences beyond themselves.

Build Social and Emotional Skills

Kids who bully often lack key social and emotional skills like managing emotions, understanding others’ feelings, and resolving conflicts peacefully. These skills don’t always come naturally, but with practice, kids can learn how to handle tough situations without resorting to hurtful behavior.

By helping your child strengthen these skills, you’re giving them the tools they need to build healthier relationships and make better choices in the future.

Here are some practical ways to build social and emotional skills at home:

Role-Playing Scenarios

One of the best ways to teach social skills is through role-playing. Practice different scenarios with your child, like how to respond when someone says something mean, how to handle peer pressure, or how to apologize when they’ve hurt someone.

For example, you could say:

  • “Let’s pretend someone made fun of your friend. How would you stand up for them?”
  • “If someone is upset, what can you say to show you care?”

These exercises, which are included in our bully prevention lesson plans, give your child a safe space to practice positive behaviors and learn how to respond to real-life situations with empathy and kindness.

Books and Movies That Teach Empathy

Stories are powerful tools for teaching empathy and emotional awareness. Find books or movies that focus on themes of kindness, understanding, and standing up for others. Afterward, ask your child questions like:

  • “How do you think the character felt?”
  • “What could they have done differently to be kinder?”

Stories help kids see situations from different perspectives which is an essential part of bullying prevention. When kids learn to understand and care about others’ feelings, they’re less likely to engage in bullying behavior.

Daily Check-Ins

Make it a habit to check in with your child every day. Ask them how their day went, who they spent time with, and how they handled different situations. Use open-ended questions to encourage conversation such as:

  • “Did anything make you feel proud today?”
  • “Did you see someone being kind? How did that make you feel?”
  • “Did anything make you feel upset? How did you handle it?”

These daily conversations help your child process their experiences, reflect on their actions, and feel more comfortable opening up to you about what’s happening in their life.

Our Curriculum Can Help

Building social and emotional skills is a long-term process and you don’t have to do it alone. Our bully prevention curriculum is designed to help kids develop the empathy, emotional awareness, and conflict resolution skills they need to stop bullying behavior.

Whether you’re a parent, teacher, or caregiver, our curriculum offers practical lessons and tools that make it easier to teach these essential life skills. From role-playing exercises to empathy-building activities, our resources are designed to help kids learn how to treat others with respect and kindness.

Monitor the Situation

Addressing bullying behavior is a big step, but it doesn’t end there. Change takes time and kids need ongoing guidance to make better choices. Once you’ve talked to your child about their behavior and provided meaningful consequences, it’s important to monitor the situation to ensure lasting improvement.

Regular check-ins with teachers, coaches, and other parents can help you stay informed about how your child is interacting with others. Ask questions like:

  • “Have you noticed any issues with my child’s behavior?”
  • “Are they showing kindness and respect toward their peers?”
  • “How do they respond to conflict?”

Stay involved in your child’s social life by asking about their friendships and daily experiences. These conversations can uncover potential problems before they escalate.

Be Proactive, Not Reactive

If you notice signs of bullying again — even small ones — step in early. Don’t wait for things to get worse. Revisit your earlier conversations and remind your child why bullying is harmful. Encourage them to reflect on how they’re treating others and what they can do differently next time.

Let your child know that you’re always available to help them navigate tricky social situations. Building trust and keeping the lines of communication open will make it easier for your child to come to you if they’re struggling.

Our Resources Can Help You Stay on Track

Monitoring your child’s behavior can feel overwhelming, especially when you’re juggling work and other responsibilities. That’s why we’ve developed a bully prevention curriculum that provides ongoing support for families and educators.

Our curriculum includes practical strategies to help kids build empathy, manage emotions, and make better social choices.

Seek Help

If your child’s bullying behavior doesn’t improve — or if it seems rooted in deeper issues like anxiety, trauma, or anger — don’t hesitate to seek professional help.

Sometimes, kids act out because they’re dealing with emotions they don’t know how to process. A school counselor or therapist can provide valuable support for both you and your child to uncover what’s driving the behavior and offer tools to make lasting changes.

Therapists can work with your child to develop healthier ways to manage emotions. They can also help your child address any underlying challenges like low self-esteem, peer pressure, or struggles with friendships that may be contributing to the bullying.

When to Consider Professional Help

It’s time to seek outside help if you notice any of the following:

  • The bullying behavior continues despite your efforts.
  • Your child seems withdrawn, anxious, or angry.
  • There’s a history of trauma or emotional struggles.
  • Your child is having trouble building or maintaining friendships.

Seeking help isn’t a sign of failure — it’s a proactive step toward bully prevention. Kids often need extra support to learn how to handle difficult emotions and situations, and professionals can provide guidance tailored to your child’s specific needs.

You’re Not Alone — We’re Here to Help

If you’re feeling unsure about where to start, we can help. Our bully prevention curriculum is designed to support families and educators by providing practical tools to address bullying behavior and build empathy and conflict resolution skills.

Our resources can complement professional counseling by reinforcing the lessons your child learns in therapy. From role-playing exercises to check-ins, our curriculum offers easy ways to help your child make positive changes and treat others with respect.

Work With the School

Schools play a key role in bullying prevention. Teachers and school staff see how kids interact daily which makes them valuable partners in addressing bullying behavior.

Addressing bullying behavior takes teamwork. When parents and schools work together, kids are more likely to understand that bullying isn’t tolerated — and that they have the support they need to make positive changes.

Why Teachers Might Hesitate to Tell You Your Child Is Bullying

It’s hard to hear that your child might be bullying others, but it’s just as hard for teachers to deliver that message. Many teachers are hesitant to bring up bullying behavior with parents because they fear a defensive or dismissive reaction. They may worry parents will deny the behavior, blame others, or refuse to take the issue seriously.

Unfortunately, this hesitation can delay important conversations and allow the bullying behavior to continue unchecked.

If you’re concerned your child might be bullying others, here are some steps to encourage open communication with teachers and school staff:

Start the Conversation

Don’t wait for the school to contact you. If you’ve noticed changes in your child’s behavior or suspect they’re struggling socially, reach out to their teacher. Schedule a meeting to get a better understanding of what’s happening. Ask for their observations:

  • “Have you noticed any issues with my child’s behavior toward others?”
  • “When and where are these behaviors occurring?”
  • “How is my child interacting with their classmates? Are they being respectful to classmates and teachers?”

This conversation helps you see the full picture and identify patterns that may not be obvious at home. Teachers can also share strategies that have worked with other students that you can try with your child.

Keep an Open Mind

If a teacher does tell you your child is displaying bullying behavior, avoid getting defensive. It can be hard to hear, but remember that this conversation is about helping your child improve. Ask for specific examples of the behavior and listen carefully to what the teacher is saying.

Respond with empathy and curiosity:

  • “Thank you for bringing this to my attention. Can you share more about what you’ve observed?”
  • “What can we do at home to help support better behavior at school?”

By approaching the conversation calmly and constructively, you’re showing the teacher that you’re serious about addressing the issue.

Create a Behavior Plan

Once the issue is on the table, work with the school to create an improvement plan. Ask how you can support what they’re doing at school to reinforce positive behavior at home. Regular communication with teachers can help track progress and catch any issues before they escalate.

Remember, teachers want to see every child succeed. When parents and teachers work together, it creates a consistent message for your child that bullying is unacceptable — and that there’s a team of adults ready to help them make better choices.

Check In Regularly

Stay in touch with your child’s teachers and school staff to monitor progress. Regular check-ins can be as simple as a quick email or phone call to ask how things are going. If your child is showing improvement, celebrate that progress. If problems persist, adjust the plan as needed.

How Our Resources Can Help

Our bully prevention curriculum includes tools and strategies that can be used at home and in the classroom. If your school is looking for ways to address bullying more effectively, our resources provide practical guidance to help kids develop empathy and make better choices.

Encourage your child’s school to use these resources as part of their bully-prevention efforts. Working together with a consistent approach at home and at school is key to helping your child build healthier habits and stronger relationships.

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Helping Children Who Display Bullying Behavior

When your child is bullying others, it’s natural to feel frustrated or disappointed. But kids who bully need help, not harsh punishment.

Bullying behavior often stems from deeper issues like frustration, insecurity, or struggles with social skills. Instead of focusing on punishment, guide your child toward understanding how their actions hurt others and teach them healthier ways to handle emotions and relationships.

Here are some ways you can help your child make lasting positive changes:

  • Teach empathy: Talk about how their actions make others feel.
  • Model kindness: Show your child what kindness looks like in everyday life.
  • Encourage positive friendships: Help your child build friendships with kids who model good behavior.

Kids who display bullying behavior aren’t hopeless — they need guidance, support, and the right tools to make better choices.

Change takes time, but with consistent effort and the right resources, your child can learn to manage their emotions and interact with others more positively. And if you need help, our curriculum is here to support you every step of the way.

Two young children reading together in a bright classroom in Gurugram, India.

Final Thoughts

Bullying is a complex issue and it’s not always easy to figure out why your child is acting this way. But with open communication and ongoing support, change is possible.

It’s not about labeling your child as a bully — it’s about helping them grow into a kind and respectful person. If you’re wondering, “Why is my child a bully?” or “What can I do to stop it?” — know that taking action now can make a lasting difference.

With your guidance, your child can learn to make better choices, manage emotions, and build stronger, healthier relationships.

And if you need help, our bully prevention resources are here to support you every step of the way.